Why is it that, in my quest to live an “open life,” that I start out secretive. I start blogs with the intention of not being followed. Of not being read. Never being seen. Never to be commented on. There is an area of my life that I remain hidden from anyone. My family knows elements, yet they do not know the full. No one really knows what goes on in my mind. They know parts, but they don’t know the depth. I don’t mean for this to be a skeleton in the closet, for it is nothing like that. It is more like a child wanting to finish a project before showing it off to their parents.

My motives and my way of doing things are strange. Make things public, yet never let the dots connect until I choose to connect them for people. I have a list of things that I plan on telling my wife on the first night. Part of me wonders if I should be sharing that earlier, and when it comes closer to that date, maybe I’ll figure out how much to say and when. But its been in my mind like this for 5 or 6 years, I don’t think it will change much.

How successful will I be at living a double life? I don’t know, that is yet to be determined. Am I withholding important information from friends? No. I share who I am, and they know who I am. Secret elements in my life do not change that. They just don’t know everything about me. But as of now, that other part is simply thoughts.

What is the time line of all of this? I wish I knew. Growing up I thought it would have happened before this age, but that obviously hasn’t happened. So I patiently wait. I will try my best to follow God’s timing on everything.